Struggles With Morality
by Apple Kisses
Summary: a collection of things I have written ... with a range of emotions. rated T. for mature suject matter.
1. La Fin

I can't handle this pain anymore. Without you by my side. Where am I to go? Who am I to love?

Who will love me as you did? Who will love me?

It's clear you did not love me...for if you did I would not be on the ground sob like this.

All You said were lies and I pitifully fell for them...

I am nothing...

I should not exist..

* * *

**Shattered dreams shred woven hope.**

**Priceless memories become nameless entities. **

**New silver becomes tarnished tin.**

**The world we knew stirs turmoil within.**

She turns to find shards of glass on the once pure floor.

Her hand trembles as she holds the transparent weapon below.

Others watch silently questioning her present actions.

Quietly she sobs, as the crimson liquid flows.

**Shattered Dreams shred woven hope.**

**Priceless memories become nameless entities.**

**New silver becomes tarnished tin.**

**The girl we knew battles turmoil within.**

New found tears find their way to the floor.

The golden haired girl shakes with such an animosity.

For herself. Her world. Her life. Her Light.

She meant nothing to herself she felt simply forgotten.

**Shattered Dreams shred woven hope.**

**Priceless memories become nameless entities.**

**New silver becomes tarnished tin.**

**The girl's internal battle within sanity slows to a win.**

**And with that the girl's story comes to La Fin. **

* * *

You know my life kinda reminds me of those old black and white films. The silent ones of course. I sit pondering on my life. No words are said to tell of my emotions but my face tells you the truth. It shows the turmoil and brutal attacks I have stragetically set up for myself.

And just as those films I'll let this come to a close.

My once pumping heart has lost what it flows.

If only the eternal abyss may I be missed.


	2. Perfect

**Perfect **

My hearts beating faster

As I sit across from you

Why does it have to be so difficult?

Why can't I make you understand?

The reason I can't talk to you but

Only hold your hand

I wish I could tell you that I Love You

Without being afraid that someone will hear

I wish I could stand next to you and

Have no one care

You seem to have this effect on me

I can't decipher it well

But I know one thing is certain

I never want it to stop

The sky is no longer the limit

When I'm in the comfort of your arms

But I want for you to understand

That that includes the little things

That evolves into bigger things

Cause you make me feel everything

In a hell of an intense way

If I could give you an exact answer

Believe me I would

But under certain circumstances

Exact doesn't work out too good

It tears me up to know you cry

Because no one wants us together

And because the restraining walls

That people build without consent in our lives

But Baby just believe that if I could leave

Runaway with you, share my whole world with you

I'd leave the rest behind

Cause that's how much you mean to me

I know I don't show it well

And I should be willing to do anyways

But fear always seems to get in the way

But I'm not afraid of loving you

And I'm not afraid of holding you

The truth is that I'm terrified

That if I leave and say goodbye

I'll never hold you

Or see you

Or tell you that I love you

I've never been to close before

As distant as I seem

But I want to do some much with you

I want to give you everything

Because you are my everything

I love you baby, for life


	3. The Real Fake

**I'll be honest, it was a lie**

**when I said I wasn't going to cry**

**to be honest it kind of hurt**

**when you thought I didnt care about you**

**To say that when you said goodbye**

**I didn't crumble, would be a lie**

**The words you wish me to say**

**I won't , I can't. They'll push you away**

**Life's a bitch so I've said**

**but as angry as I seem to be I'm more sad instead**

**To tell someone the words I Love You**

**may seem so easy to say but in the end the truth**

**it holds, I'll never be okay**

**I'll never be able to tell you im perfectly okay**

**cause through the years I've gained a habit**

**I seclude myself so far inside that when**

**I think I am ready I'm scared to show it**

**The truth is that im terrified**

**I've been hurt and dissappionted before**

**I'm not saying you'd break me, love**

**but some people want to**

**I build a wall, create a front**

**so that when the pain falls the blade is blunt**

**I wish I could say Im good enough**

**but in the end Im not so tough**

**My heart was broken long ago**

**my soul has suffered a brutle blow**

**You told me once, I was perfect**

**But I just hope you see I'll never be**

**as amazing as you deserve me to be**

**So I'll say I'm sorry for all the ruthless lies**

**but in the end Im not okay**

**and I'll be drying crying eyes**


	4. Twelve

Tweleve years ago on this day

you rose to heaven

left us here with a flash and pour and beautiful memory

Things have happened, people have changed

I can't help but think you are ashamed.

This world is angry, this world is scary

Your smile seemed to caress the world

with a gentle bliss

Your eyes that shined took the fear away

Family is difficult the bond hard to break

but somehow this family fell apart

without you without your heart

I'm sorry to say I took part in that break

I took part in the war, there were a few casualties

I can only wish to revive

Time is endless, Time is cruel

for even though twelve years have passed

the pain is still new

I forget your smile

I forget you voice

But I hear you saying it could be worse

This to shall pass, thats what you would say

But I fear Papa, this will not

For a lost angel, is a fallen star

I used to think that God was angry

I used to think the God was mean

For taking you away from the family and me

I realised you were needed

Your feathered wings had to fly

I'm not mad at God, but I still ask why

Life's been hard

without you Papa

Life's been quite a trip

Between backstabs and heartbrakes

I've learned a few tricks

The kind I never wanted to know, the kind you wouldn't do

No ones perfect, as I am told

Grudges aren't forever

But I refused to fold

Then I remember your remarkable words

You'll be fine Sunshine

You've got my hand to hold

It's people like you that make I miss you so small

It's people like you that make I love you so strong

It's angels like you that make me see how precious life is

Tweleve years ago on this day

you rose to heaven

left us here with a flash and pour and beautiful memory


End file.
